21 Weeks... Merry Christmas!

Our Christmas was pretty amazing. We spent Christmas Eve in Eufala at my grandmas with my family & then we spent Christmas day with his. The whole Christmas season has been so much fun together. We did tons of Christmas stuff like baking, shopping, Christmas music every day, Christmas movies, and went to see the lights... I think I REALLY got Austin into the Christmas spirit like I am every year.

December 23rd my sister came to town for the night and we took them to dinner and went to see the Rhema Christmas ligths. It was a lot of fun and so good to see her. December 24th after they left we headed off to my Memaws and spent the day/night down there. The weather predicted snow, but none came that night. We woke up EARLY Christmas morning because we were soo excited to give eachother our presents. I got Austin a globe that opens up that he can keep drinks in- it's pretty awesome and he loves it. I also got him yummy cologne and lots of Green Bay stuff & some other little goodies. He got me a Wii! I told him that I wanted one because he's always (not ALWAYS, but occasionally) playing x box and I wanted a game and especially one I could work out with because with a baby I won't be able to go to the gym. He convinced me he wasn't getting me one, but he did! Yayy. We also go spoiled by our parents and got lots of goodies. Baby boy Jeffries got a lot of cute stuff too! I am now even more excited to decorate his room. Daddy better get painting! :) Christmas day was fantastic we relaxed and ate prime rib with his family. The only sad part of the day was NO SNOW! The weather men said it would snow for sure, but it didn't. :( Oh well... maybe next year?

Baby boy is still growing stong. I know he loves Christmas because he was so active on Christmas day. I love feeling him move. My belly is growing little by little & my belly button is starting to come out... :( I can't imagine what it will look like at the end of my pregnancy. I'm not too sick, but occasionally I am. Christmas morning I was quite sick... threw up a few times, but oh well. I am so in love with my little guy I just can't get over it. 4 months and he will be in my arms!

20 Weeks halfway done!! :)

How far along? 20 Weeks

Total weight gain: 8 pounds

Maternity clothes? Yes & loving them!

Stretch marks? Nope

Sleep: Love sleep

Miss Anything? Nope :)

Best moment this week: Getting a new doctor & getting to see little man.

Movement: YES! Love it so much, he lets me know he is there every day.

Food cravings: Nope, not a huge food fan.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Ground beef is still pretty nasty.

Gender: BOY!! :)

Labor Signs: No

Symptoms: Movement & still sick sometimes

Belly Button in or out? In... going flat though

Wedding rings on or off? ON :)

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy

Looking forward to: Taking cute Christmas pictures & painting his room!!

This week we got a new doctor and couldn't be more excited! The clinic I was going to was so aweful & the RESIDENTS did not know a thing. It was very uncomfortable thinking my baby wouldn't have good care. So I tried and tried and called around and FINALLY 1/2 way through this pregnancy I got a new GOOD doctor. She's fantastic and we are so excited. She did and ultrasound right there and it was so fun to see baby boy & luckily he is still a boy! ;) We love that little cutie so much. I'm so happy that we only have 20 weeks left before we meet little man. We have a lot to do, but I know we'll get it done and be so ready for him when the time comes. I just can't wait to see what he looks like and hold my precious baby in my arms. He is already my world and I am so blessed to be his mommy!

19 Weeks

I love baby boys Nike booties! I could not resist :)

We got his crib & it is so gorgeous. We don't have his bedding yet, but I absolutely love walking by it every day. It makes me so excited for whats to come! I can't wait to order his bedding and start painting his room. After Christmas we are going to go nursery crazy! :)

It's a...... BOY!!!

We went in for our ultrasound on November 27, 2012 praying our baby was healthy and hoping they would let us see what they were! Well we got lucky on both ends. Our baby is healthy and growing perfect & we found out it's a BOY! Austin was thrilled! During the ultra sound he was making me giggle so much with how happy he was. We couldn't be any happier we are having a baby boy & especially that he is healthy. He is such a cutie, but he wouldn't let us see his sweet face this time. I love him sooo much!

We immediately went and bought him clothes & each grandma got an outfit too! :)

Clearly a BOY ;)

Hims first SHOES! To die for.

18 W 4 D One week after the ultra sound baby boy is growing & mommy is getting bigger!

EVERYONE thought it was a girl (except Austin who held onto hopes of a boy) We planned to tell my mom very first, but we couldn't resist telling both grandpas. I called my dad because there isn't a very fun way to tell someone who is out of state. Then we went and got each grandma and outfit and put it in a bag. I made my mom a card that said.... "You're the first to know... shhh don't tell a soul... is it a bouncing little HE or a pretty little SHE!?" Then when she opened it up it said "Its a BOY...or a GIRL!... go outside!" So he present was outside with a little paper that said "It's a boy!" She was SHOCKED! She was the one who was absolutely sure it was a girl. She was jumping all over and so happy. Austin made a little sign for his mom that said "We all know the game of life, sometimes it gives you pink ones and sometimes it gives you blue ones" Then she opened up a little box and there was a life car with a pink and blue for mommy and daddy and in the "back seat" was a BLUE! She started to cry. It was such an amazing day & we are so proud to welcome our son into our loving family.

17 Weeks- Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving Thursday marked 17 weeks! I know that I have a stubborn baby because it just so happened that I was not hungry for nearly anything that day except sweet potato casserole that I made- my favorite! & We had two Thanksgivings. We started the morning watching the parade and looking at Black Friday ads! We didn't need much just bedding since we just got our new king size bed which is absolutely amazing! So we figured we would go to Target, Walmart, and Macy's for the bedding. We had our first Thanksgiving feast at my aunts with my family & then we went straight to his parents for another feast. I love spending time with family, but I can't believe it's already Thanksgiving! We started our Black Friday at about 9pm with me, Austin, & my mom. We went to Target and it was CRAZY so we left because there wasn't anything there worth standing in line for 2 hours. We went to Macy's and waited about an hour for them to open and got all the bedding we needed woohoo! After that we went to Walmart (way late) but there was a perfect bedding set there on sale & the last two Harry Potter Blu Rays for 5 bucks! Score. It was fun, not as much stuff as last year when we got our TV, but we need to save for baby Jeffries nursery anyways.

I'm halway through week 17 and I have not thrown up in about 5 days! I am so excited that maybe those days are over! I never really went more than a day in between without getting sick, so I'm crossing my fingers. Tuesday (two days) we go in for our ultrasound to see how baby is and WHAT baby is. I couldn't be more excited. I think we finally have both names picked out for boy or girl. I'm saying girl, but we will see!

16 Weeks

Still sick almost every morning... I have gained 5 whole pounds! It's definitely all belly (so far-thank goodness) Food isn't that great. Sometimes I just eat because I have too. Some days I do get hungry though, it just depends. I don't really have any cravings. I eat a lot of fruit and candy is good too. Don't really like chips, I have noticed they are too salty. Pickles are good though... baby can hear now so I have been playing him/her calm music. I told Austin he better watch what he says because little baby can hear ;) Love my little growing cutie so much!

15 Weeks

I lovee my little belly! It is always there now and getting bigger every day. We went into our first baby store and I found soo much I wanted (especially if its a girl) I found a beautiful crib & I wanted a unisex car seat, but I found the cutest black and pink one I just might have to have. I think it's a girl... we'll see in TWO weeks! Soo excited about that.

How far along? 15 weeks

Total weight gain: Not sure, probably a couple pounds

Maternity clothes? No, but most of my jeans don't fit

Stretch marks? Nope

Sleep: Still can't get enough

Miss Anything? Coffee!

Best moment this week: Austin kisses my belly & talks to him/her :)

Movement: I am feeling something, not sure if it's movement though!

Food cravings: Not really. I'm always hungry though!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Ground beef still...ewww

Gender: We find out in TWO weeks!

Labor Signs: No

Symptoms: A ton, I'm still really sick

Belly Button in or out? In, Austin says its disappearing though...

Wedding rings on or off? ON :)

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy

Looking forward to: Doctors on Wednesday & of course finding out what we are having in just two weeks! :)

14 Weeks!

13 w 6 days was Halloween! I got this cute shirt because I want to make sure I make the most of my pregnancy. I might never be pregnant at Halloween again, so I had to do something fun. We stayed in and handed out candy and ate chili (very difficult for this preggers because I can't eat hamburger meat...still)

My belly popped at 14 weeks. Luckily, my wedding dress still fit & kept it in. We got married at 14 weeks! It was such an amazingg day. I will have to post a blog post just for that once I get pictures. We also went on our honeymoon to Branson and stayed at Big Cedar Lodge in our own little cabin. It was more than amazing. I will have to have a special blog post for that one too!

On Monday we went for our first ultra sound finally! I was so excited and so nervous I had bad dreams all night. At first everything went smoothly. I can't explain the feeling I got when I first saw my little baby in there. She/he was moving around & we could see their little heart beating so fast. I couldn't stop smiling and laughing I was so happy, but you can't laugh or it messes up the ultra sound! I wanted to cry the whole day because I was so happy. I could stare at the pictures of her/him all day.

During the middle of the ultra sound the tech said I'll be right back and left the gel on my belly... I started to get worried and when she brough the doctor in I was very worried, and then when he asked if he could talk to me in front of my family I just wanted to die! I thought something was terribly wrong. He took a look himself and showed us we have a fetus, but there was also another sac that was empty. My pregnancy started out as twins, but sometime (most likely in the very beginning) it just didn't make it. I was very sad, but happy for the baby I do have. It is crazy to me I could have had ferternal twins. Because one baby didn't make it I'm now high risk and have to go back on November 27th for all day extensive blood tests and ultra sounds to see if there is anything wrong with baby. I think baby will be fine, but they just have to be cautious. Everything I have read said it's so common for one twin not to make it early and the other to be just perfect. We are all praying for a healthy baby!

I can't express the love I feel for my child already. I knew I loved them, but after I saw them jumping around in there and saw their heart beat I just fell into a deeper love than I ever thought possible. The heart rate was 174 so my mom thinks it's a girl... I kind of do too, but it could be either! Austin thinks she/he has my turned up nose though... I wouldn't mind! :) Our baby is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on, thinking about it makes me want to cry because the surge of emotions is so crazy. I'm so happy and blessed for this little life growing inside me. One month and we will know if baby is a boy or girl! I can't wait!

Week 11

Sick again! Week 10 was just a teaser. Week 11 has brought me day after day of feeling pretty crappy. I have noticed if I eat (which can be a challenge) right when I wake up and keep snacking I feel much better. Not eating is definitely a problem that causes me to feel really terrible. 11 W 6 D I FINALLY thew up! I was about to put my make up on and I was like OHH NOO so I crawled to the toilet and threw up about 5 times. It wasn't horrible though, because after wards I felt fantastic. Also, we had another doctors apointment at 11 W 6 D she found the heart beat and it's strong in the 150's, but we couldn't hear it because mine kept interfereing and we could only hear mine. I was a little disapointed we couldn't hear it, but so happy to know she found it! We FINALLY have an ultra sound for MONDAY! It can't come soon enough. Can't wait to FINALLY see my baby.

Week 9 & 10

Week 9 was ROUGH. I felt sick every day, and just wanted to sleep. I was so nauseous, but never thew up which I think is worse. I found it hard to eat anything except fruits. But I got through it and onto brighter days!

Week 10! Finally got a little pooch going on. My jeans are definitely snugger! I felt so much better as week 10 progressed, my little peanut finally gave me a little break.

Fun facts

About You

Name?: Shaina

Age?: 21

Height?: 5'1"

Pre-pregnancy weight?: 123

About The Father

Name?: Austin

Age?: 22

Height?: 5'11"

Are you still together?: Yes

About Your Pregnancy

Is this your first pregnancy?: No, we had a miscarriage last December

When did you find out you were pregnant?: August 23, 2012 because I felt "weird"

Was it planned?: Not planned, but not prevented

What was your first reaction?: I was scared because of the previous miscarriage.

Who was with you when you found out?: Austin, at first only one line showed up (like I knew it would) & he left the room and suddenly another faint line appeared and I said "Austin, theres two lines" He didn't believe me :)

Who was the first person you told?: Austin

How did your parents react?: Good, but nervous like us because of how horribly the miscarriage affected me

How far along are you?: 9 weeks

What was your first symptom?: Crampers, which is why I worried

What is your due date?: May 2, 2013

Do you know the sex of the baby?: Not yet

If so, what is it?: Hopefully healthy :)

Have you picked out names?: We have a few we like.

If so, what are they?: Secret

How much weight have you gained?: -1

Do you have stretch marks?: Nope

Have you felt the baby move?: Nope

Have you heard the heartbeat?: Not yet

About the birth

Will you keep the baby?: YES!!

Home or hospital birth?: Hospital

Natural or medicated birth?: Probably medicated

Who will be in the delivery room with you?: Austin

Will you breastfeed?: Yes yes yes

Do you think you'll need a c-section?: Really hoping not!

Will you cry when you hold the baby for the first time?: Definitely

What's the first thing you might say to him/her?: I love you

Would you let someone videotape the birth?: Yes, but not down south :)

Are you excited about the birth, or scared?: Excited & scared

Something POSITIVE ;)

Five weeks ago on August 23, 2012 Austin and I were at the track running and I said lets go to walmart after... :) He said "why? to get a pregnancy test" HA! Well I had been feeling really crampy for a week and I never get that crampy that far before my period, usually a little crampy a couple days before so I thought something may have been off.

So we went to walmart and got 3 cheap tests. I found these 88 cent tests hidden in the grocery isle & thought it was so awesome because I hate paying $15-20 for a negative result. So we got home and I had been drinking gatorade so I said even if I am, it's going to be negative. I took the test and we watched one line show up, just like I thought- negative. WRONG. Right when Austin left the room I kept watching and another light line started to appear. I started freaking out. I was so nervous because of having a previous miscarriage, I really couldn't be excited because I was so scared.

We told his parents and I called my mom and it wasn't as exciting as it should have been, I think everyone was just nervous. However, as the weeks have passed the nervous feeling have definitely turned to excited ones because now we are 9 weeks and feeling great! Actually feeling terrible, but that means baby is feeling great. It doesn't quite feel real yet, but I'm so excited for whats to come. I'm hoping my second trimester brings more non sick days & I start to feel better, but we'll see. In just a few weeks (7 or a little more) We'll get to see what baby is! I can't wait until Christmas because we'll know what baby is and I'll buy buy buy all sorts of cute fun stuff. I can't wait. I also want to make a baby blanket, I'm not very nifty with sewing, but I'm determined to make their blanket. Once I find out the gender I'll be busy with that project. I'm so excited & can't wait for whats to come!

Week 8

How far along? 8 weeks

Total weight gain: -1 pound

Maternity clothes? No, but I'm so bloated my jeans don't fit :(

Stretch marks? Nope

Sleep: My favorite!

Miss Anything? Not feeling sick all the time!

Best moment this week: Announcing our pregnancy & going to the doctors and hearing everything was going great!

Movement: Nope, still too small.

Food cravings: No... except pickles. Most food makes me sick.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Hamburger meat.. the thought alone is aweful. Most food makes me feel queasy, but if I don't eat I feel sick too. It's a bummer.

Gender: NO idea :)

Labor Signs: No

Symptoms: Bloated, pee a lot, boobies hurt & are huge, and I feel nauseous ALL THE TIME!

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? ON :)

Happy or Moody most of the time: Depends on the day, mostly happy even though I'm sick

Looking forward to: Our first ultrasound! Can't wait to see baby! :)

Update!

This summer has been a pretty fantastic one. We have worked on our house, gone to the lake a few times, & just enjoyed being together. It was pretty low key, but we like it that way. We also have been doing A LOT of wedding planning. I found the dress of my dreams in July and it was the first one I tried on! After searching every store in Tulsa, I finally found some shoes that would go perfect-online! Austins momma got him his dream cowboy boots that he's wanted for like 5 years for the wedding. We are so excited. I'm happy to say I finally have all the big stuff paid for- and everything is pretty much going smooth. The only thing we have left to do is find a preacher, write our vows, send out invitations, and decorations galor! I'm not too stressed, I know it will all come together because we have some great people helping us out. I am soo excited that fall is finally arriving. I absolutely LOVE fall and everything about it. I love the smells, sweater weather, cute clothes, football, new tv shows, baking, and how beautiful it is when the leaves turn color and fall. It is definitely my favorite time of year and that is why I wanted the wedding at the beginning of November. A perfect time for a fall wedding and I'm excited to decorate with pumpkins as well. Last month we did a little home reno project. We built a wall.I have constantly been trying to figure out how to make the living room more cozy, and lets face it- it was just too dang big! Half of our living room was wasted space so I thought hmm.. maybe we could build a wall! It's a 3/4 wall and still leaves open space between the rooms & It also doesn't go all the way to the ceiling, so we have a ledge to decorate. We painted it red, and we absolutely love it. It's exactly what our home needed. And also, it allowed us to make that space an office so the spare bedroom can be used for other purposes...like a nursery ;) Anyways, thats what the past few months have consisted of for us. Oh, we also got our engagements done by my amazing sister, but I don't feel like uploading a million pictures.. so maybe later. I love love love our happy lives & I am so ecstatic I get to spend my whole life & beyond with the most amazing man ever. I am so blessed! <3

A home in heaven

Tomorrow is a day I have been dreading... my due date. I have been so emotional the last few days and I definitely think thats why. 8.5 months ago August 13th was going to be the best day of my life, & now it is the saddest. There has not been a single day that I have not thought about my little baby & what he/she means to me. What the whole experience means has been so complicated in my mind. I do understand that he/she was the size of a seseme seed, so small, but yet meant so much. My beliefs and feelings lead me to the only conclusion that makes any sense... if a baby forms in the womb, and the cells combine to equal a pregnancy then that baby is a baby. No doubts about it. I have always believed this, but because of what happened to me I have really put a lot of thought into it. Therefore my baby is a lucky one because she/ he has a beautiful home in heaven! They never had to endure the trials of the world... they got to go straight home! Everyday they get to play with Jesus & all the other babies who didn't make it to their mommys. I know they are happy & that is a comforting feeling. I have decided where my sorrow lies because yes, I do still cry about it. My sorrow lies in the fact that I want to be a mommy so bad, I want to have a family & be a great mother, raising children with strong morals, beliefs, goals, and values. I am the kind of woman who could never be complete without a child & a little piece of hope was shattered when I lost my first baby. They were a beautiful part of Austin and me & that is what makes me so sad. I don't know what the reason is that it happened like this, but I have to believe God has a plan. He needed me to know something, but baby wasn't there to stay... he needed them back home. I would be lying if I didn't feel sad by every new pregnant post I see. Of course happiness for the families being blessed with babies, but sad its not my turn yet. It's on my mind All.The.Time & it gets so frustrating. Also frustrating and so sad that I had to lose my first one & tomorrow when I'm supposed to be blessed with a baby I'm left empty handed. I'll always miss my little seseme seed, always wonder what she/he would have looked like & miss the joy they would have brought to our family. I so wish we could have made them a home here, but know they have a beautiful home in heaven & instead of my face being the first they would see... it was Jesus' Happy Birthday my little angel! I love and miss you so so much.

50% dog... 50% human... 100% perfect!

When I think of the most important things/people in my life, high on the list is Carson. We are extremely bonded & I don't have any idea what I would do without my little frisky stinker! We have been through it all together. I got him when he was 12 weeks & have loved him ever since. We battled our previous unhappy life together & moved onto bigger and better things. We made the journey from Idaho to Oklahoma- a happiness journey! Ever since I got him I knew he was special. He was 100% potty trained in two weeks & learned tricks so fast. He now knows every trick I could possibly think of. He responds to words even...so smart! He sits, shakes, lays down, barrel rolls, speaks & even knows hand signals for all of the above. If you ask him how his day was he will just talk up a storm! I've never seen a dog do that before... must be part human ;) OH and if you ask him for loves he gives you kisses on the nose... if you're lucky. Mostly he just gives hims momma all the kisses & sometimes daddy too. Carson also loves toys, but his favorite thing in the world is BUGS! He bug catches every.single.day!! It's so funny to watch. He constantly makes me laugh and is such a joy. I know it sounds like I'm talking about my child, but honestly he is just like my child. I love that little critter so much it's crazy!! :)

More pictures.....

We bought a house!

I'm trying to catch up on everything we've done in the past year...so bear with me! Last December, we bought a house! When I met Austin last April he told me that in November he was going to start looking to buy. Well, luckily I got to help pick it out! We looked at a bunch of houses & found some we liked, but it never worked out. It seemed there was always a structural problem or something of that matter. When we found our house online, Austin had looked at it a few times, but it was slightly over his budget so he'd always put it aside. One night his dad decided to look & saw it and said you HAVE to get this house. He decided to put an offer in and the next day they accepted! It was soo exciting. We closed in December and immediately went in and started painting the bedroom. It's an old house built in 1900 so it has a lot of character, but also needed a lot of updating. First of all, we (or I should say Austin) ripped up the carpet and sanded the floors. Luckily there was beautiful hardwood underneath the carpet- we scored big time. I would say that was the most frustrating job for him, but well worth it! Then we painted our bedroom so we could move in. Since then we have painted the living room, Austin has built a back deck & front steps, completely redone our kitchen thanks to the help of my lovely in laws :) planted flower gardens, planted a vegetable garden, got a new roof, re sided the garage, painted the garage doors, & so much more. There is still some painting to do and a LOT of decorating, but we'll get there. I'm so happy with my cozy home. We love it, but the best part is who I share it with.. :)

Engaged

On May 2, 2012 we got engaged! I think Austin had planned on waiting until our one year June 1, but it just happened a little sooner... seems like thats how life goes! I couldn't be more happy that I have found my soul mate and that one I truly want to spend the my life & beyond with. I have no complaints. We get along great, he is so supportive in every way, we have the same values, and want the same things. I am truly blessed & love him so incredibly much!

We are getting married November 4, 2012... lots to do!

Our Angel Baby

On December 10, 2011 Austin finally talked me into taking a pregnancy test. I was a week late at this point, but I kept telling him it will come Austin... I know it will. However, it did not. The next morning I woke up at 7 am (December 11, 2011) went downstairs and peed on the test. I waited 3 minutes and when I flipped it over my heart stopped. There were two dark pink lines, which means I was pregnant. I swear my vision got blurry, I ran up the stairs and started yelling at Austin. I was truly in shock.

A little background story... I was married for two years before I met Austin. We never used any form of protection and I never got pregnant. This led me to believe that I had fertility issues, in fact, I was sure of it. It devastated me because what I want more than anything in this world is to be a mother. But on this day in December, I was definitely proved wrong.

I wanted to tell everyone, but I tried to go back to sleep for a little while because my mother was first on the list and it was still really early. I didn't go back to sleep though, I just layed there for a few hours until Austin woke up. We went straight to the drugstore to get me prenatals and we tried to find something that said Grandma on it, but we couldn't so I just brought her the test. I told her to close her eyes & she thought I had a puppy. Hahaha. Well I layed the test on her lap and when she opened her eyes she started jumping up and down saying "Oh my gosh really!?" She was soo excited. We were kind of nervous to tell Austin's parent's, but they were excited as well. It was the greatest feeling in the world.

The next week I went about my daily routine of work & what not. Everyday falling deeper and deeper in love with this little baby growing inside me. I didn't do ANYTHING that could possibly harm my baby. EVERY single night I prayed for my baby, that God would protect my baby. I knew if anything happened it would ruin me.

The next Saturday I was at work just about to leave for lunch when I went to the bathroom. When I pulled down my pants there was pink in my underwear. My heart almost stopped. I called Austin & his mom & they both told me it was normal to spot, but his mom told me to come home and relax for the rest of the day. I went home and relaxed, but every time I peed there was pink. I finally went over to the house we had just bought that Austin was working on so we could move in shortly & told him I wanted to go to the hospital. He thought everything was fine so I called my mom. I told her I NEEDED to go to the hospital, because I was also cramping. I went over to her house and off we went. I was trying everything to stay hopeful, but in my heart I knew this was bad. When I got to the hospital they seemed to act silly that I was there, obviously there was nothing they could do to stop it if I was having a miscarriage, but I knew I needed to be there. I was there for a few hours & no blood & I started to get really hopeful. They decided to do an ultra sound and I got so excited that maybe, just maybe, I would hear his/her little heartbeat. They did a regular ultrasound and nothing... they decided to do a vaginal ultrasound and when she took it out, it was covered in blood. I immediately went to the bathroom and there was so much blood. I started to bawl & when I came up my mom was bawling too. I had lost my baby, the one thing in the world I wanted more than anything.

To this day I don't understand why I had to lose mine. So many people get babies & have abortions, or treat them terribly, & I would make the absolute best mom. But my baby died & there is not explination for why. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my baby and miss him/her. (I have a mom feeling it was a girl, but maybe it was a boy, I'll never know) In that week I knew about my baby I planned out a life for them. A beautiful life full of love & so many wonderful things. As I pass milestones I would have had in my pregnancy it makes me sad. This month we would have found out if it was a boy or a girl. But we don't get to experience these things, because at 6 weeks I lost my little angel. I will never be the same, and I can't shake the feeling that my family will never be complete. I know (or hope with all my heart) that one day I will have more babies, but my first will never be here with me. The only thing that remotely comforts me, is that even though she/he was so tiny and small, that they are with Jesus in Heaven. & I know that my little baby knows how much their mommy loved them and always will.

I love you

One summer night, July 3rd to be exact, we decided to have a little partay. This party of course resulted in a bit of a fight. Kyson, my ex, called me and Austin got mad so he took the phone and just went off on him. Kyson told him some silly stupid things and then Austin got mad at me ladeda. When he finally calmed down and sat down and talked to me I remember it clear as day what he said. He was so upset and said "Shaina, I'm in love with you, I LOVE you." It was the sweetest words I have ever heard. I just sat there and took it in. I didn't feel like I could say it back under these circumstances, but I wanted to so bad. The next night was the 4th of July. ALL day I went over what he said and wondered if it was just the alcohol that made those words come out. I spent the night that night and I remember laying there thinking 'How should I bring it up... what should I say.... how do I know if he meant it' So I finally worked up the nerve, after what seemed like hours & mentioned what he had said the previous night. He said "I remember what I said & I meant it" I had the biggest butterflies I have ever had in my life. I then layed there and pondered how the heck do I said it back. He finally asked me "Did you fall?" & I said "yes..." & he said "do you love me?" I said "yes.." but I SOO BADLY wanted to say the words. So I kissed him and whispered in his ear "I love you" & he looked at me and said "I love you too, so much." I literally had butterflies for at least a week. It's all I could think about. I was so in love with him & I knew at that moment he was the one I had been waiting for.

The beginning...

I moved down to Oklahoma on April 11, 2011 after moving from Boise, Idaho. I was in a pretty terrible marriage so my mom (who lives down here) came up to get me & I FINALLY decided to leave. She told me she had a great job I could get & things would be much better down here. Immediately when we arrived in Sapulpa I felt free & I knew I had made the right choice. A day or two after we got here my mom took me to the Liquidation Store that was opening Saturday to meet the owner, hoping I could score a job. She had known the owner (Mike Jeffries) since she was little and their moms were best friends. I met him and the very first thing he said to me was "We better keep her away from my son because she's too damn cute" :) I was then introduced to Jeremiah, the store manager and one of Austin's best friends. I filled out an application and he said he'd let me know if a position opened. The store opened on Saturday and we went right at 9 to see what cool things we could buy. That's when I met him. He was SUPER goofy from the first words. He came over and introduced himself to me right when he saw me. It was just a simple introduction. Later that night I had a friend request on facebook, he had facebooked me already! I thought it was hilarious. I accepted and he messaged me the next day wondering if he had "added the right person." This was a Sunday & he decided THAT DAY he must take me to see the town. That evening he picked me up on his Harley & took me to Outback and showed me around the little town of Sapulpa. He was goofy & charming, but I was only looking for a friend & he let me know he was looking for a lot more. A couple nights later he made me dinner and took me to a movie. We held hands, but that was all. I thought it was sweet he hadn't tried to kiss me yet. The first kiss did come. After, or during, our third date or "hangout" we were watching a movie and I was trying the whole time to get him to kiss me, hinting and everything, but he just wouldn't. FINALLY at the end of the night he did it. & He was so gentle. :) We hung out quite a bit for the next month and a half & things went really well. I was starting to think he was NEVER going to date me, even though he always said "We will date soon, I really like you" I just thought he was fibbing me. I had been warned about him & his granny even told me they called him a whore dog. Yikes. Just as I was losing all hope & kicking myself for falling for someone again, on June 1, 2011 we became "official" as dating standards go. Facebook status went to "In a relationship." It had been two months for me, and two YEARS for him. But I was so glad to finally get to call him my boyfriend.